The Dairy PRinCe
Brand decides that summers just aren't pretty enough and winters just aren't purple enough so he says to himself "I shall destroy the universe and recreate it in my own image for that is the logical thing to do!" Now Brand must find someone of the family whose blood he can spill all over that icky Pattern that his grandpa drew. "I know" said Brand, who forgot that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, "I shall sire me a young lad and then gut him like a christmas pig" despite never having heard of christianity.
So young Brand walked in Shadow to a place where the summers are pretty and the winters purple. Let us call it Minnesota. And he created there a race of Vikings to serve his needs and he became their Dairy King. And in this place rolling stones do gather Moss, since Moss is the fastest substance in all of Minnesota. And he found him a Dairy Queen to reign at his side. And lo and behold, he did impregnate this woman. And on the first try even! All hail the mighty sperm of the Dairy King.
The Dairy King left Minnesota and doom soon came. All of their field generals left them, going to Washington, where the floor-tiling business was picking up. And the Dairy Prince grew up to be a strong young man, whose father returned every year to weigh him and to teach him cards.
One day, after weighing his son, the Dairy King took his son to a mountaintop where the summers are not very pretty and the winters were quite lacking in purple. The Dairy Prince was saddened by this. Brand, the Dairy King, led his son by the hand to a glowing line and helped him to walk along the line, although it was hard, and he completed it, although he was tired. Then the Dairy King brought out a sharp knife and held it up in the air and looked down at his son.
And he lost his nerve.
And so he covered, saying "Look at this nice knife. It is sharp and silver, and it can cut quite well. In times of need, it can be used as a fork or a shovel, although not well."
And his son spoke, saying "Can I have it?"
And Brand said, "Ok."